Life on the Road – Trucking News Blog

Could be if the DOT has it’s way. The Bush administration doesn’t have much time left in office, but has decided to make an example of Santa, for reasons, according to the FMCSA, having solely to do with public safety.

One agency, the FAA, did make peace with Mr. Claus, but the DOT refuses to make any concessions, even if it means no Christmas this year. Life on the Road has sent its chief correspondent, V. Grumpy, to the North Pole to get the complete story. Mr. Claus – Santa (aka St. Nick, Kris Kringle and Father Christmas) – was too distraught to speak directly to V. Grumpy, but Mrs. Claus did provide some details.

First, there is the issue of Santa’s medical card. A few months ago, while test driving his sleigh, Santa was stopped and given a roadside DUI test because of his remarkably rosy cheeks. The results have not been released by the DOT. Santa has also put on quite a few pounds the last thousand years or so. His blood pressure is above the DOT requirement of 140/90. Sleep apnea is a possibility. Unfortunately, there is no ATA approved clinic to examine Santa and the DOT is telling this reporter that they do not intend to give him a waiver. Without a valid medical card, Santa cannot drive his sleigh.

There is more. Loaded with presents for all the world’s children, Santa’s sleigh exceeds the 80,000 lbs. weight limit. The DOT will not grant him an overweight permit, unless he upgrades his sleigh with sliding tandems or spread axles. Previously Santa used split break time to deliver gifts throughout Christmas Eve. That is no longer legal.  11 hours just isn’t enough to deliver presents to every child that wrote Santa. And, one state, California, no longer will allow reindeer to power any vehicle due to the PETA lobby. CARB demands he have an APU. The DOT also want Santa to have an EOBR installed. Santa sought help from OOIDA, but they don’t believe he exists.

Santa, it was found out, has had to employ some illegal Mexicans in his North Pole toy assembly plant. Elves aren’t as plentiful as they used to be. And the few remaining have sought representation by the teamsters. Homeland Security, specifically the INS, will not allow Santa to deliver presents made by illegals into the US. When NAFTA was approved, the Congress forgot about poor Santa. Canada has told Life on the Road that Santa will not longer be allowed in their country without a speed limiter.

The situation is dire.  There  just might be no Christmas this year. Santa needs your help.

The photo credit is: http://christmas-pictures.org/the-magic-letter-from-santa-claus.html