Toothpicks…

Posted on Jul 11, 2009 - 1:11am by Marshall J. Gruskin in Business, Economy, Health, Lifestyle, Trucking

What? Yeah, toothpicks. A very important tool for the active professional trucker trying to stay healthy. Healthy you say? Yup. Every time there is a toothpick in my mouth, I’m not eating – and – my gums are getting a needed workout. And since I can’t afford the $30 it now costs to buy my favorite cigars – Flor De Ybor City is the brand – hand rolled with leaves grown deep in the jungles of the Dominican Republic – I have to settle for “chewing” a toothpick to keep me in “check.” By the way, I don’t light up the cigars. It’s a lollipop kinda thing.

No, I’m not kidding. Don’t snicker! I discovered that as long as there is something in my mouth (no jokes please) when I’m driving, loading or unloading or dealing with the idiots I have to deal with – like a toothpick – since I don’t have any fresh carrots or celery in my cooler – I’m a calmer trucker and a more valued asset to my company. No BS, it’s the truth! As I said, I can’t afford the cigars – I refuse to smoke cheap ones (like other folks I know) and there is little or NO food on the road available to “us” drivers that doesn’t go right to our hips and bellies. Take that toothpick out of my mouth and it’s Doritos and Coke time. The nacho cheese or new “cool” ranch – oooo – WHERE’S MY TOOTHPICK!

OK, OK, I’m alright now. That was a close call. See what I mean? But there’s more to this story. This afternoon I picked a load of slinkies – that’s coiled wire for you civilians – in Perth Amboy NJ. The 48K lbs. load is headed for Memphis TN. It’s the longest run I’ve had in about a month. The plant where I picked up is shutting down in 2 1/2 weeks, after 30+ years of operation. Their nearby plant in Sayreville NJ is also closing. They were bought out by a Canadian firm that is “transferring” the entire operation to – no not Mexico, but CHINA.

Maine used to be the leading producer of toothpicks for the US – Brazil for the rest of the world. What another lame excuse for destroying the Brazilian rain forest. But guess who now leads the world in toothpick manufacturing? Ah-ha CHINA. “We have stable natural resources and abundant experience” say the Chinese. “We make toothpick is clean for mouth and safe”, they add. “We have many package to pack toothpick.” Sorry I just can’t help myself.

The toothpick I have in my mouth right now is yellow. The blue ones are my favorite. They are made by the Diamond division of Jarden Home Brands – in CHINA. The company is headquartered in Daleville IN and Rye NY – for now anyway. And their Chinese toothpicks are sold – yup – at Wal-Mart – US headquarters for all goods Asian. Sam Walton stopped turning in his grave long ago folks .

Alright, I know this post has you right on the edge of your seat. But just how safe is this Chinese toothpick in my mouth. Just where did the birch wood come from to make it? That is I “hope” it’s birch wood. And what about the chemicals to color it red, green, yellow and blue – where did the die’s come from? What if there’s some “secret” something in my toothpicks that – oh – I don’t know – would make me start thinking like a SOCIALIST! or worse a COMMIE! After all, I’m for some kind of nationalized health care. Maybe it the darn toothpicks!

And think of how many truckers are using them right now! What do you do when you stuff yourself at the FJ (Flying J) buffet? You struggle to stand up and waddle up to the cashier to pay your bill and TAKE A TOOTHPICK! Have you started to feel a little LIBERAL after dinner lately? A little more sympathetic to the poor perhaps? Yup, it’s the toothpicks. And this scares the bee-jee-bees out of me. Is nothing sacred anymore? Our country is not going to hell in a hand-basket – it’s going to CHINA in containers!