Life on the Road – Trucking News Blog

I hope you’re one of the lucky ones. This year I am. In years past, I was not. But yesterday, I got home for the Thanksgiving holiday. Yes, it was tough. I braved the drive down I-95 southbound along side thousands of “snow birds” from Canada and other parts of the American northeast who apparently have the need to get to the sunshine state for turkey day.

In addition, the rich and perhaps famous are shipping their yachts via truck from the soon to be icy harbors of Maine and Massachusetts to the still warm waters of the Gulf of Mexico. Lastly, those who seem unaffected by this “decession” cruise comfortably down the interstates in their six and seven figure deluxe motor homes with a Range Rover, Hummer or cute VW Bug (with, of course, a fresh daisy on the dash) hanging from the rear on a separate trailer, only the rear wheels touching the pavement.

But I’m home, and it feels so good. I sat down in my favorite chair. My two dogs having been thrilled at my homecoming were now back in their bed – my old sleeping bag from the truck – amazingly snoring after only a minute or so earlier jumping up and down. I turned to see the pile of mail – junk and whatever – to my left. The one item that stood out because it looked like a magazine with a black cover was the Bed Bath and Beyond pre-Christmas “holiday” mini catalog. About 25 full color pages of stuff someone who just got home after weeks on the road couldn’t imagine they needed. I’ve never been into the whole “Black Friday” thing, always wanting to sleep in rather than be at the doors of Wal-Mart at 4 AM to grab one of the few remaining $79 Blu-Ray players or $49 Tom Tom GPS’s.

So being home and very comfortable in my favorite chair, this colorful upbeat holiday catalog not being a map or a bill of lading or a customs form, I decided to take a few quiet moments to peruse it. I liked that it was addressed to “our neighbor” at, can you imagine, my address. My address! How did they do that? So warm and fuzzy. So personal. And the mailing label also doubled as a $5 off coupon if I purchased $15 dollars or more of stuff. This is just what I needed after weeks of rude uncaring grouchy people, cold dark days and questionable food. I should say that also in the pile of mail were catalogs from Casual Male XL, Corona Cigar Co. and Cabela’s – the self proclaimed “World’s Foremost Outfitter.” Not one of them addressed to “our neighbor”.  Their loss, not mine. Besides. I don’t like being referred to as a “casual male” -xl or otherwise – truth be told, I’m actually an XXXL. I don’t order cigars by mail and I don’t need a tree stand or venison meat slicer this year. Maybe I should forward the Cabela’s catalog onto Sara Palin – the “Rogue” one.

Inside the Bed, Bath and Beyond catalog, I found some great “stuff” for truckers that I want to tell you about.

1. On page 4.the digital picture key-chain. $9.99. Beyond Value! While Supplies Last. How great it this. Do you know how many drivers I see roaming around truck stops everywhere after a huge buffet trying to find their trucks? Loads. This way you can take a picture of your truck. You can attach the key to the photo. You’ll always be able to find your rig, even in the worst weather. This thing comes with a USB cable and stores up to 60 photos. You have a picture of every terminal, lot lizard and ex-wife attached right to your keys. How great is that? And it’s only $9.99!

2. On page 10.the marshmallow shooter. $14.99. OK, this will shoot mini marshmallows over 30 feet. A bag of mini-marshmallow is $1.99. Think about it. You pull into a distribution center for your 3 AM appointment and find out you should have been there at 1AM and now you’re going to have to wait. Don’t get upset. Take out your marshmallow shooter and fire away! US Customs slow? Yup, unload the entire bag of mini marshmallows on ‘em. What is that toll? No way Jose, lock and load! Load up with extra bags for the trip.

3. On page 19.Weight Watchers glass scale. So you know how hard it is to find a scale that goes past 200 lbs. right? Sure, Wal-Mart has one or two. But does it display body fat, body water and bone mass all at once! And with a 400 lbs. capacity! And comes with a mail-in bonus that includes a FREE cookbook and FREE six month subscription to Weight Watchers magazine!  And it’s glass. You can be looking at a map trying to find your destination city while weighing yourself! A little pricey at $69.99, but, remember you can use that $5 off coupon.

4. On page 21. The Kymaro New Body Shaper. Going in for that DOT physical? Worried about your BMI? Well, driver, this is for you. Now you can look 10-20 pounds thinner instantly. Or so they say. It comes in a beige color so it won’t be seen under your Schneider, JB Hunt or Swift uniform shirt. And for the ladies on the same page is the Strap Perfect. ONLY $9.99! It’s  the ultimate bra strap solution that adds a full cup size instantly. Didn’t I tell you this catalog was worth the look see?

Last, but not least. On page 23. Again, Beyond Value! While Supplies Last. The decorate your own piggy bank, piggy bank. Includes 1 ceramic piggy bank and 6 markers. Now, you can write all kind of obscenities about your driver manager on each side while depositing the pennies you earn after you pay all your bills. You can be saving for all those extra mini marshmallows.

Are you home for Thanksgiving? Got any great stories or catalogs to tell us about? Love to hear from ya.  FYI – Life On The Road is in no way connected or affiliated with Bed, Bath & Beyond, Casual Male, Corona Cigar Co., Cabela’s or Sara Palin. And yes, that is Palin in the picture.