Life on the Road – Trucking News Blog

If you do a search for “malfunction junction” on Wikipedia, you will learn that every State has at least one, two or more of these “problematic highway interchanges.”  If you run 48 States OTR, you most likely have experienced many of them firsthand. Here in Tampa we have one of the worst examples of “malfunction” – the junction of I-275 and I-4. Interstate 4 runs from downtown Tampa through Lakeland on over past Disney World into Orlando and ends near Daytona Beach. As you can imagine there is heavy tourist traffic, lots of trucks, tons of people going to and from work and school and gobs of retirees going to wherever Q-Tips go.

This morning I was headed to my 8am delivery appointment in Tampa. On the way traffic was backed up though “our” malfunction junction for about three miles. It was not “rush hour” traffic. It was not road work. Not too long ago, many millions of dollars were spent widening and improving the interstate leading to and going through the junction. When I got closer to the “problem” it was evident that old habits die hard. A “community service” officer’s car with blinking orange lights was discussing the “elements” of a car with mechanical difficulty with it’s hood open. Four lanes of traffic moving past this scene at 15 mph or less to observe the discussion at 7:15am on a clear sunny morning. It was as if every improvement and widening of the road to avoid this problem never happened. Millions of dollars of taxpayer money wasted. Five years of detours, closures, frustration and congestion due to road work made no difference. The second you got past the “incident” traffic returned to going 65 mph. And after the wait , the receiving department at the consignee claimed nobody called to make an appointment and I sat for three hours waiting to get unloaded. There were no other trucks making deliveries.

Heading back home after finally getting unloaded, there was a five car crash through the junction. There were ambulances, fire engines, the highway patrol, Tampa cops, sheriffs and of course community service “officers.” The local television news was there was well. It was about 11am and traffic was backed-up for miles. Through the junction, this is pretty much a guaranteed almost daily occurrence. And nobody seems to understand why. It is the same situation with all the other “malfunction junctions” throughout the country. But at least for Tampa, I believe I have figured it out – pirates.

More precisely, Gasparilla – Jose Gaspar, last of the Buccaneers – who terrorized the coastal waters of West Florida during the late 18th and early 19th century. According to the History of Gasparilla website “Although few facts are known of the life and death of the famed Gasparilla, accounts from his own personal diary boast the capture and burning of 36 ships during his first 12 years as a pirate. Crews of captured ships were given the option of joining Gaspar’s ranks or walking the plank.

The website tells us that: “The number of ships that fell prey to Gasparilla and his buccaneers during later years is not known, but he continued to ravage Florida waters until December 1821. Deciding it was time to retire from pirate life, Gaspar had just convinced his crew to split up their accumulated fortune, disband and live out their lives in peace and luxury. But the sight of a merchant ship sailing northwesterly toward Orleans was all too inviting for the greedy adventure-seekers. One last thrill, and they would end their careers in grand style – Gaspar and company could not resist, and so set out to pillage the seemingly unassuming merchantman.

Closing in on their prey, the pirates realized, to their chagrin, they had chosen a United States Navy warship in disguise for their final folly and final it was. A bloody battle ensued, leaving Gasparilla’s flagship burning to ruin. As the story goes, just as the commanding officer of the U.S.S. Enterprise was boarding the defeated ship, Gasparilla seized a heavy chain, wrapped it around his waist and neck and leaped into the water, brandishing his sword in a final gesture of defiance as he sank into the sea. When Jose Gaspar died, he supposedly left an untold fortune in buried treasure somewhere along the Florida coast.” That treasure has never been discovered.

That’s because the treasure and the spirit of Gasparilla is haunting malfunction junction. Everyday he caused these accidents, breakdowns and backups. There can be no other explanation. The more the FL DOT builds, the more upset he and his “crew” gets. The treasure must be buried deep under the intersection, relatives of Gaspar unable to get to it. And that really makes him angry. With a wave of his curvy knife, another car radiator overheats, a community officer and tow truck have to respond and traffic gets backed up for miles. With a “hardy har har”, cars collide at all hours of the day and night and once again this junction seriously malfunctions, with the ghost of Gasparilla hovering overhead. Why is your malfunction junction malfunctioning? Any history of pirates where you live?