Life on the Road – Trucking News Blog

I’ll let you in on a little secret in trucking. I don’t want to shock you or make you upset. I know how “sensitive” some of our readers are. The established trucking media which specializes in reporting dreck, never writes about this. And, unfortunately, America as a whole, cannot fairly deal with this reality of our great diverse society.

Here’s the scoop: many truck drivers are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual or transgendered. OMG! You didn’t know that? Or did you? If you did, great. If not, wake up and get your head out of the sand. The driver right next to you on the road, at the buffet, in the fuel line or in Wal-Mart just might be a member of the LGBT community. I’d like to say they’re loud and proud, but because of the stigma involved surrounding being homosexual and the absurd misconceptions about just about everything “gay” this is all, well, very much, taboo.

Now, let me say a couple of things here. First, I am a member of the LGBT community. I came out of the closet when I was about 21. No, I’m not gay – I’m straight ( although I hate that term just as gay men hate being called fags) – and a proud supporter of gay rights. The closet I came out of was the one with all the prejudice hurtful unfair other people who don’t want to help gays achieve the rights guaranteed them in Constitution. But, I don’t want to get off track. This post is not about the evil religious right, politics or the almost “underground” LGBT trucking community. It is about entertainment and quite possibly one the best “talk” shows on terrestrial and satellite radio – the Derek and Romaine show – heard nightly from 6-10 PM on Sirius/XM. And many truckers, both straight and gay listen to and love this broadcast.

When I bought my first Sirius radio, there was no Howard Stern or for that matter a heck of a lot of anything to listen to other than music. For days I flipped around trying to find something unique. Although curious, I was a bit leery leaving the radio display on Out Q aka the “gay” channel. What would other drivers think? But I got over that stupidity fast after finding Derek and Romaine – a no holes barred hilarious sex-fest completely open and honest discussion about everything – and I mean everything!

Derek and Romaine (DNR) might remember me as the infamous “MJ”, who spent an inordinate amount of his time e-mailing, texting and calling the show. I grew out of it and moved on to torture other satellite radio hosts like Jay Thomas and Martha Stewart’s daughter. But in DNR parlance, I was one of the “bitches”, and I was hooked. I passed on many dinners, preferring to remain in the truck to listen to the entire show. You may have seen the white circle DNR bumper sticker on some trucks and wondered what it was for. Now you know.

After cancelling my Sirius service and listening to terresterial radio for a few weeks, I just recently turned on the XM radio in my new (used) truck. I was pleased that DNR after 5 years, is still on the air and as wild and funny as ever. I strongly suggest you listen in. The DNR website is here: http://www.derekandromaine.com/. If you still don’t have Sirius/XM, now is the perfect time to subscribe. Most of their equipment is on sale and you can get an affordable deal on the service.

1. OOIDA has sent out its 1 millionth letter to California and Tennessee begging them to end the dual speed limit restriction on trucks – which back in 2009 was 55/70 mph and is now 55 for trucks and 150 mph for cars. OOIDA has still not learned that they’ve got to stop stupid laws BEFORE they’re passed, not after.

2. American truck drivers are now the largest mammals on the planet averaging 500 lbs. replacing the whales, elephants, brown bears and other large creatures that are now, unfortunately, extinct.

3. After hundreds of years of drinking super caffeinated energy drinks and fast foods laden with sugar and preservatives, the average American now can live to125 and has the temperament of a Klingon. Back in 2009 Americans used to say hello, good-bye and thank you – now in the year 3000 Americans say: “Neghlu’meh QaQ jajuam” or “Today is a good day to die!”

4. In the year 3000, Roadway Express is now outsourcing their Indiana-Ohio Turnpike line haul operations. Captured and “re-educated” former Taliban fighters now drive the doubles, triples and quadruples via satellite cameras from Chicago to Cleveland from caves near the capital city of Afghanistan – Kabul – now called New Detroit.  A new genetically engineered “intelligent” Chimpanzee – using the DNA of a high school dropout – will soon begin replacing UPS drivers. The chimps will be represented by the Teamsters.

5. The toll over the Ambassador Bridge is now $1000 one way. EZ Pass is still not available. There is very little traffic on the Kansas Turnpike as the toll is financially beyond the reach of most Americans.

6. In the year 3000, North Carolina and Kentucky still has not installed Pre-Pass. Both States have the oldest weigh station system in the nation. It has been reported that NC DOT officers are still unclear as to how to operate the three color light Pre Pass devices and KY cannot deal with trucks exceeding their long standing 12 mph speed restriction across their scales.

7. Cable television and XM/Sirius satellite radio now have over 25,000 stations. Only about 5 of them are worth watching or listening to. There are 35 versions of Law & Order and 50 CSI’s, one for each State. Larry King was de-iced after he died back in 2012 trying to conceive another child with his new 24-year old “honey.”  He still can be seen on CNN at 9pm and does his radio show from Washington, DC. He has been married 1,235 times and has 3.467 children.

8. In the year 3000, the American flying pubic, who for the longest time has forced to fly in their “birthday suits” due to strict FAA security regulations will now be able to wear government approved fig leaves. Shampoo is still not be allowed.

9. Over-the-road truck drivers, who for years have fought for better pay and working conditions are, believe it or not, making the same per mile as they did in the year 2000. And the average annual motor carrier CEO salary in 3000 is about $100 million dollars plus, of course,  free health insurance and a company jet car.

10. In the year 3000, the legal weight limit for trucks is now 450,000 lbs. Rigs are typically 250 ft. in length and have 8 really large tires. A separate trailer is required for the large APU. Truck manufacturers have still not figured out how to offer a truck that drivers can put their microwave, coffee machine, clothes and food in. The “typical” cab still has wires running everywhere. The “closet” in the 3000 Freightliner still can only fit clothes that a 5 year old little girl would wear. The “drawers” are perfect for Barbie accessories.

11. The Obama Administration – yes, the Obama Administration – President-elect Mitzy Michelle Obama – the great great great grand-daughter of Barack – still cannot convince the American public that a national health care plan is a good idea. The great great great grand-son of Osama Bin Laden still cannot be found. The great x3 grandson of Rush Limbaugh is still on the air, heard on 75 planets and 7 star systems. No one knows what happened to Sean Hannity or his family since he was “caught on tape” on the NBC To Catch A Predator Show back in 2010.

12. The newly released year 3000 version of the FMCSA safety regulation handbook is 10,125 pages in length. The sleeper berth option is still being debated.

13. In the year 3000, most shippers are switching back from rail service to trucks. Seems so many companies believed the nonsense the railroads were telling them about service and getting trucks off the road to help relieve congestion – trains became so long and heavy with freight they couldn’t move anywhere.

14. The job of the American trucker is a tough as ever. Most drivers don’t last past age 85. Many have both knees replaced by the time they’re 55 years old. Heart bypass surgery by 65. Hair replacement by 45. Cialis  and
Viagra are still the most popular drugs among drivers. Teeth, now affordable to most Americans in the year 3000, are still not an option for many truck drivers. With new communications technology enabling drivers to interface with their family, the typical driver now gets to the house every 2-3 years.

15. Dollar General is now the largest corporation in the world, long ago replacing Wal-Mart.

What do you think happens in the year 3000?

Photo credit: online.wsj.com

is we have too many of too many things. We have way too many laws with too many lawyers. We have too many people sick who can’t afford to get better. Too many gay folks that want to but can’t get married. We have too much sugar in everything. Too many roads and bridges that need repair. Too many commercials. Too many people on Facebook and Twitter. Too many bills. Too many flat tires. Too many car dealers that leave their lights on at night. Too many Republicans – just kidding. There are far too many religions. Too many “churches” that don’t pay taxes. Too many cheap cigars.

There are too many truck drivers who don’t get paid for waiting around. We have too many rude people. Too many fast food places. Too much garbage. Too many people dying of cancer. Dying of AIDS. Still too many smokers.There are too many gas wasting cars. Too many old 8-track tapes. Too many women who wear the wrong bra. Too many men who wear socks with sandals. Way too many malls. Too many Blockbuster places. Too many Starbucks. We have too many buttons to press. Too many folks who haven’t had great sex or any sex recently. Too many things that blink. Too many bloggers. Too much paper. Too many lazy people. Too much bad weather. Way too much news. There are too many people who just don’t know what they’re talking about.

We have too many dirty bathrooms. Too many smelly people. Too many signs. Too many dentists. Too many Wal-Marts. Way too many Dollar General stores. Too many bugs – especially flies and mosquitoes. There are too many power outages. Too many pretty blondes doing too many things. Too many laws against marijuana. Too many Law & Orders. Too many trucks with loud Jake brakes. Too many energy drinks. Too many coffees. Too many sodas. Way too many types of water. Too many bottles. Too many cans. Too much plastic. Too many uncomfortable pillows. Too many liars.

Too many traffic cops. Too much radar. Too many banks. Too many illegal aliens. Too many folks who don’t speak English. Too many people who don’t speak a second language. Too many high school dropouts. Too many people that can’t read. Too many lotteries. Too many batteries that are thrown away. Too many abandoned cats and dogs. Too many zoos. Too many bosses. Too many people fighting overseas. Too many nuclear weapons. Too many beggars on corners with too many brown cardboard signs. Too many cable channels. Too many actors that think they’re stars. Too many diets. Too many fat people. Too many skinny people. Way too many people that don’t know what to do.

Yes, there are too many people, like me, that write too many things about too many things. BUT, the #1 problem in America right now is not the wars, the economy, health care, Congress or taxes – which we have too many of by the way – it is the fact that – drum roll here – ba da da da – we have way too many damn traffic lights!

Photo credit: http://www.goodexperience.com/broken/images/2007/04/06/traffic_lights.jpg

We here at LOTR get e-mails from just about everywhere. Last night my son forwarded me one with photos from US Marines 1st Sgt. Dave Jobe. He writes: “The proud warriors of Baker Company wanted to do something to pay tribute to our fallen comrades – so since we are part of the only Marine Infantry Battalion left in Iraq, the one way that we could think of doing that is by taking pictures of Baker Company saying the way we feel. It would be awesome if you could find a way to share this our fellow countrymen. I was wondering if there was any way to get this info your papers to let the world know that we have not forgotten and are proud to serve our country. Semper Fi.”

There are no Flying J’s or Pilot’s over there to pull into, eat a buffet and then climb into your air conditioned dry bunk for 10 hours. Looks to me like these folks just stop and hit the dirt for a spell. I can barely lift my tarps let alone digging a fox hole in the desert heat. By the way, did I mention last week when I was on the road I bought a $3.33 copy of the movie Black Hawk Down? It’s about a Special Forces/Delta mission that didn’t go as planned in Somalia during the Clinton Administration. Well – just other day – did you read about it in the news? – in Mogadishu, Somalia – elite American commandos in a 15 minute helicopter assault operating from two Navy warships – killed top al-Qaida fugitive Saleh Ali Saleh Nabhan – wanted for the 2002 car bombing of a beach resort in Kenya and an attempt to shoot down an Israeli airliner. This time mission the was flawless. The U.S. has not gone in force into Somalia since the early 1990s, when it became embroiled in feuds between warlords. If not for witnesses to Monday’s attack in southern Somalia, it might have gone unnoticed by the world.

So today, as I’m sitting around nursing my very sore knee (s) waiting on a trip somewhere, after receiving the email from Sgt. Jobe, I’m thinking of our men and women serving overseas. Imagine that, it’s not even Veterans Day. As a OTR truck driver, I have it good compared to the conditions over in Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea, down at GITMO and the many other duty stations around the world. I know of a sailor in the Coast Guard who had hoped to be stationed here in Florida near his parents, but got assigned (as he puts it – got stuck) up – way up – in Northern Alaska for the past two years. All of you – thank you for your service. Right now the focus, apart from the economy and health care – there seems to be no pressing issues right now on any burner concerning trucking – is on sending more troops to Afghanistan to seek out and destroy the Taliban. 4000 military trainers are scheduled to arrive there in November bringing the total number of U.S. forces there to 68,000. I’m not going to debate that. But for now, please, truckers, let’s not forget the folks of Baker Company still stuck and driving on the dangerous roads of Iraq. Let’s continue to display our flag and wear the ribbons. And if you see a serviceman (or woman) welcome them home with open arms. Let’s not repeat the mistakes that our soldiers encountered returning from Vietnam.

Haven’t we all seen Dirty Dancing at least a fifty times? Over the years I’ve walked past many dark Petro, T/A and FJ movie rooms and saw numerous lonely, tired and broke truck drivers falling asleep on broken chairs watching one Patrick Swayze film or another.

He drove a Peterbilt 379 in the 1998 movie “Black Dog.” Country singer Randy Travis and rocker Meatloaf, costarred. Swayze plays an ex-con manipulated into transporting illegal arms from Atlanta to NJ. His character had been imprisoned for accidentally killing a 4-wheeler after experiencing a “black dog” hallucination.

Ok, it wasn’t the greatest movie or the best representation of the professional truck driver. The movie has a positive ending with Swayze getting his CDL back from the FBI. Can they do that? Whatever it’s a movie. Women truckers have confided in me that they much prefer him in Dirty Dancing, Ghost or many of the other 50+ movies and television shows he was featured in. I also seem to remember being told by female drivers that they “appreciated” Mr. Swayze’s tight buns as well as his gyrating dance moves. I personally preferred Jennifer Grey.

Swayze, a three time Golden Globe nominee, passed away yesterday after a 20-month battle with advanced pancreatic cancer. He was 57 years old. According to The New York Times: “Patrick Swayze was the subject of a one-hour “Barbara Walters Special on ABC, in which he talked about his illness. “I keep my heart and my soul and my spirit open to miracles,” he told Ms. Walters. But he said he was not going to pursue every experimental treatment that came along. If he were to “spend so much time chasing staying alive,” he said, he wouldn’t be able to enjoy the time he had left.”I want to live,” he said.

The AP – Associated Press – reports: “Off-screen, Swayze was an avid conservationist who was moved by his time in Africa to shine a light on "man’s greed and absolute unwillingness to operate according to Mother Nature’s laws.” Swayze was married since 1975 to Niemi, a fellow dancer who took lessons with his mother; they met when he was 19 and she was 15. A licensed pilot, Niemi would fly her husband from Los Angeles to Northern California for treatment at Stanford University Medical Center.

Patrick Swayze has passed, but tonight, as always, Black Dog or Dirty Dancing will be running in some truck stop somewhere.

Photo credit: mrpaparazzi.com

Seems we’re all a little "testy" these days. As far as people in the spotlight, last week it was Joe Wilson, this weekend it was one of the world’s greatest athlete’s, Serena Williams. And Kanye West didn’t seem to happy last night that my fav girl Taylor Swift won an award for best video.

You’ve got to admit there is an strong under-current of anger everywhere you go these days. You can see it in the way people drive, in their interaction with other people and an overwhelming prevailing feeling of apathy in almost all aspects of our lives. A CNN poll the other day claims 90% of the poll respondents said that society in general is becoming less civil.

You know it’s funny that as truck driver this whole state of anger was pretty much the norm in my life on the road. It was expected, I learned to manage it as best I could – then I would come home, detox a few days and then go out into the normal "happy" world. I’d relish in everyone treating me with a modicum of respect before having to go back out to an environment of whining, complaining. rudeness and abuse.

But that is not the case anymore. There is no "escaping" what we used to deal with on the road. People are correctly angry about things that deserve being angry about. I was in a restaurant this weekend and three tables of "guys" were angry about our troops in Afghanistan not having the proper equipment and manpower to prevent getting killed by IED’s and RPG’s. The news was showing film of our soldiers walking into mine fields because Afghan troops refused.

I was in Wal-Mart. An older couple was angry at an assistant manager in the tire department because they felt they were over-charged for repair service. A man was not too happy with the paint mixer guy for some reason. I went in Lowe’s for a simple purchase and had to dress down some supervisor because of his reluctance to apologize over an unnecessary pricing error. The day ended with my paying $40 to a dog groomer who was incompetent and more focused on everything but her job. My 14 year old terri-poo loves everybody, but before leaving this place actually stopped, turned and growled at her. Oooo. Even our pets are angry.

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Remember the phrase the generation gap? Well, if you’re 18 to 49, you – according to the Neilson ratings – and taking a close look at the demographics -  enjoy watching Conan. And that makes advertisers happy. That’s just the age group they want to sell to. You are their “target” audience. They would prefer if you were female because that’s who apparently makes the buying decisions. You might even decide to watch Letterman for a week. But it’s a fact, that when Leno had the Tonight Show, he was #1 for over fifteen years. Conan takes over and he pretty much tanks in the ratings losing the less desirable to advertisers 49+ folks, like me. I liked Conan on his old show. I only occasionally tuned in to Letterman. I’ve only watched Conan once since he took over for Leno and I find the show unbalanced as in I need to fast forward to get to any of the good parts. As a OTR driver, my wife used to tape every Tonight Show with Leno, for me to watch in the truck. She is not taping Conan.

Now for the longest time I didn’t watch the Tonight Show after Johnny Carson retired. But as one who never watched MASH, Seinfeld or NCIS until long after they first aired, my wife taped the reruns and the shows grew on me. That was the case with the Tonight Show with Leno. I was angry when it was announced Conan would replace him. I thought it was and is a bad decision. Maybe over time Conan will grow on me. He’s going to have to get rid of that annoying Andy Ricker and relocate the band back over to camera left (how “television” of me) where they used to be prior to their move from NYC to LA. I’m very OCD about that. His bit “In the Year 2000″ – now updated – “In the Year 3000″ has definitely lost something, but at least is still backed up by La Bamba’s high falsetto.

Formerly of SNL – Saturday Night Live – Jimmy Fallon took over Conan’s old NBC time slot. Have you watched the show? He’s OK. I don’t like the house band – The Roots. I don’t expect them to last. They’re scary and look positively bored. Actually, I never heard of them nor know of their music. Fallon still has to find his groove as his talk show mojo has yet to settle in to where Conan was. It took me a long time to focus in on Conan and his shtick, but when I did, I got it and watched it most of the time. But Leno was still my favorite. Then they gave him the boot. The whole transition was very premature.

But, this Monday at 10pm – prime time – Jay is back on NBC. A new show. An experiment. Might work – might not. There has never been a show on five nights a week at the same time slot in prime time. Jay will still do 160 gigs – his standup -  on the road while doing his new show. His old announcer, John Melendez, formerly “John the Stutterer” on Howard Stern, has been bumped down to the writing staff. Leno claims there will be no studio announcer for the new show. He also promises it’s not going to be another Tonight Show. That remains to be seen, but frankly, I wish it was the Tonight Show, just the way he used to do it. You knew from night to night what you were getting -  consistent balanced laughs.

I don’t care if advertisers are not interested in my business. I’m not interested in many of their products. I never drink Budweiser, my dog doesn’t eat Alpo, and I pretty much buy all my “stuff” at Wal-Mart. What I do care about, at the end of the day, when I’m in the bunk of my truck, and I want to be entertained, is being able to watch Jay Leno. I like his humor, his style, his timing – I like his “bits” and I enjoy his sidekick band leader Kevin Eubanks. Jay has a connection with his audience that Conan, Fallon and Letterman just don’t have. I’ve been waiting for Leno’s return ever since he left the Tonight Show, and my wife will have a fresh package of VHS tapes – harder and harder to find these days – ready to go Monday night at 10pm, for me to take on the road. For previews and more information about the new show, follow this link: http://www.thejaylenoshow.com/

Photo credit: greghalbert.com

I’m on home time – the other side of life on – “off” – the road. I got home about 5 PM Thursday night. 8 AM Friday morning, I received an E-mail from my dispatcher saying “sorry to bother you, but we need your 53 ft trailer.” Uh – ok. Half asleep I asked back how, when and where. She said the driver is 4 hours away. Uh – ok. So is this what being home is all about – working? I said, hey, jokingly, you’re gonna have to pay for this – I’m adding another week on to my home time. No response.

Cut to the chase. I drove my tractor to the towing place where I secure the trailer, gave my “friend” there five bucks and said someone from my company is coming by to the exchange trailers. Here’s the keys for the locks. Unlike we drivers – slaves – there are people who expect to get paid for what they do. That was about 5 hours after the original phone call after I heard nothing and took it upon myself to do a follow-up. When I got the tractor back home, I then got another E-mail – this time from the VP-Safety to give her a call. Jez, what now. I answered her back, I’m AT HOME, is there a problem? No, I need you to try a new logbook software program out and.hey, when does my home time really begin – tomorrow?

Friday. I’ve been home – ummm – about 35 hours. It’s time to go to the orthpedic surgeon. I haven’t dwelled on this, but I COULD HARDLY WALK the past five weeks on the road. My knees, especially the left one, apparently decided on its own to not work. X-rays. Buzz, Buzz. Mr. Gruskin? Yes, doctor? Mr. Gruskin, you need to find another line of work – soon. Really doctor, why is that? You have advanced arthritis in both your knees and hands. And this is happening 10 years before it should. You’re a young man. Your time of doing physical labor is over, my friend. You will do permanent damage if you continue to clutch. Knee replacement surgery is not really an option, but I’m going to give you 500 mg. of Naproxen so you can walk, we’ll schedule you for a knee brace fitting – and – it would be “advisable” for you to lose 100 pounds with the help of your “primary care” physician. I’ve now been home about 38 hours.

Home time. What a trip. I think I’ll go get a haircut – talk things over mano a mano with my long time barber. I felt 10 degrees cooler after I got all the white and grey off. I think to myself – how in the hell am I going to deal with all this? We’re in the a serious de-cession and I supposed to find a desk job? Right. Lose 100 pounds. Right. I’m already taking pills for anxiety and depression. I think tonight I’ll double the dose along with my new knee pills, my BP meds and the largest pill known to man a glucosamine-chrondroitin supplement. All these pills by the way need to be taken with FOOD! I have 1/2 of a turkey, roast beef, pastrami with cold slaw and Swiss sandwich left over in the fridge with some low fat chocolate milk. That’ll do the trick.

So if I evaluate what all three of my doctors say – my take a pill for everything never check my heart primary care physician, my doc-in-the-box best doctor who doesn’t handle patients on a private basis but manages to get me through a DOT physical and my newest best friend orthopedic surgeon you’re finished as a truck driver lose 100 pound with an ugly knee brace on – well, my option is to do nothing, eat everything I want, live with the pain – keep on the path of a slow suicide and soon it will all be over. I’m already in hell, so maybe I can make into heaven.

And, yes LOTR readers, NONE of this would be possible without my MEDICAL INSURANCE! $20 co-pay. I can’t imagine what these doc are charging, but the one doctor is a member of AOPA – that the association for folks who own and fly their own airplanes. One doc was telling me how nice it is in Tahiti. The supplements are $45 for 120 caplets – not covered by insurance. If the doctor prescribed Celebrex that is NOT covered. The knee brace – $750 – is covered. Lap-band surgery or any procedures to assist in the weight loss – forget it. And don’t tell me to eat less and exercise. I’m hungry and soon I’ll only be able to get the buffet with a walker. Now I should get a handicap tag for my truck so I can park closer.

I’m tired of crappy fast food or I’ve discovered the worst hamburger in the world. I’m also hot – very hot. It was 105 degrees in the blazing sun today. Here’s a suggestion – stay out of Florida in August and September. Come back in November when it’s cooler. I’ve put in my 14 hours, made three deliveries today and have two more left tomorrow morning before this slave, I mean driver, can head home. I’m on the Florida Turnpike and after eating next to nothing all day – it’s been water, water and more Dasani – right now I’m hungry. But I don’t want to talk about what I’m going to eat now – Italian probably – but I do want to touch briefly on all the crappy food I’ve eaten the last five weeks on the road.

Ok, what are our choices? We have Arby’s, BK or Burger King, Wendy’s, Waffle House – what’s left of them – Huddle House which is a Waffle House that takes credit, Popeye’s, White Castle, Krystal, Church’s, Whataburger, Dairy Queen, Hardees, etc. Forget the buffet’s right now. We all know they are what they are. Oh, let me not forget Subway (gives me indigestion) and for the life of me I can’t remember the name of the chicken place in Love’s, but their stuff is darn good. By the way, have you heard the commercials for the new Hardees fried baloney biscuit? I caught it when I was in North Carolina two weeks ago. I wanted to try it, but couldn’t find a Hardees to pull into. That darn 53 ft trailer again. There are many other places like Sonic, Checkers and so many others, mostly chains, all over the country and they’re all pretty much terrible.

But friends, I have discovered theee worst hamburger in the US. Before I tell you about it, did I tell you the other day I went into a Wendy’s – good Chili – and ordered a root beer float. The counter person handed it to me. I took a sip. No root beer. It was Coke. I said I wanted a root beef float. She said I gave you a root beer float with Coke. A root beer float is made with root beer my dear. Well, they didn’t tell me that in training! Reminds me of the time I ordered a chicken club. The clerk said what kind of chicken do you want? I put my fists in my arm pits and started flapping and said the kind that goes cluck cluck. Jez, life shouldn’t be so complicated.

When is the last time ya’ll were in Paris? No, not Paris,Texas – Paris, France – as in wine, cheese and rude people walking around the Eiffel Tower? Order breakfast there and you get a hot milky cafe-au-lait and two light flakey warm buttery croissants. That’s a qua-saunt – not a damn kra-sandwich! They taste fine all by their lonesome. Only Americans could screw up such a beautiful creation as a croissant and make it taste like oily cardboard with prepackaged salty government cheese, powdered eggs and a fatty slice of tasteless meat that resembles ham. And don’t ever insult me by calling those round rubber things at McDonalds bagels or that brown icy bilge water they pass off as coffee. Why is that they don’t lightly toast their (English) “muffins” – they serve them raw! OMG! And the Magic Dragon “Chinese” food at FJ should really be called overcooked soggy Dragon road kill – it’s disgusting. Nothing “magic” about it.

Ok, the worst hamburger in the world, by far, is the new McDonalds 1/3 lbs. “Angus” burger. To be fair, I’ve tried all three versions and they’re all equally putrid. Their tasteless, rubbery and vile. The mayo they use is really horrible. One time I asked them not to smear it on and to their credit they followed the instruction. I couldn’t believe it but the burger – in this case the mushroom and Swiss version – tasted even worse. It’s basically the same small fake burger thing they’ve pushed on the public as real beef – but on steroids.

Whoever made this possible at McDonalds should be shot. Order it as an overpriced meal – with McDonalds fries – once the greatest – now made with no salt – skewered in supposedly some healthy industrial chemical which makes them as bad as Wendy fries – along with a flat icy Coke and you have once of the worst fast food meals on the road. And did you know that if you keep that icy flat Coke in the McDonald’s funny tasting paper cup for more than 30 minutes all the liquid will fall through? While I’m home I’m going to the store buy my own meat, taters and veggies and get the ‘ole frying pan out and cook some real food. Ya’ll welcome over, any time.

PS/Want something tasty? Try Burger Kings – not sold in their restaurants – I get ‘em in T/A – ketchup and fries potato chip things – they’re awesome. Serve ‘em with tuna or chicken salad sandwiches or burgers instead of real French fries. Great alternative to the real thing. A million calories, but who cares? You want taste or you wanna be Twiggy? .

I didn’t know where the holiday originated, so I looked it up on Wikipedia. It says that the first Labor Day here in the US was celebrated back on September 5th 1882 in NYC. After workers were killed by US Army soldiers and US Marshals during the 1894 Pullman Strike – the President at the time – Grover Cleveland – put reconciliation with labor as a top political priority. Fearing further conflict, legislation declaring Labor Day a national holiday was spearheaded through Congress – it passed unanimously – and was signed into law six days after the end of the strike. FYI – the Pullman strike involved violent disputes between the unions and the railroads.

So now you know where Labor Day began. Fast forward to 2009. I just drove the 600 miles from wherever I was to just West of Jacksonville. I’m tired. Including myself, there was a lot of trucks on the road. Obviously “we” didn’t have the day off like the stock market, Federal government employees and of course, the sales, safety and operations people who work for the carriers. They’re home, “we’re” not.

For the record, as of today, there are 15 million people unemployed in the US. The percentage is almost at 10%, the highest level in years. Last month, the economy bled 250,000 jobs. Foreclosures – not from the ranks of adjustable mortgages or where people got homes for no money down – but from conventional mortgage holders. Somehow, we – I should say – greedy businessmen are going to have to start hiring 125,000 folks a month in order to stop that percentage from rising higher. Listening to the Labor Secretary on the radio today, telling people to go back to school – take advantage of the “many” government programs available and get “other” jobs only caused my stomach to turn. After she added that Pell Grants are easily obtainable as I try – and I’m employed – to come up with $900 to pay my son’s college tuition because we can’t get a loan – well, I thought here’s another rich Obama “official” living in liberal fantasy land.

Also, one year ago today – Labor Day – the government took over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Combined they hold over 5 1/2 trillion dollars in mortgages. They were given a $100 billion dollar bailout. One year later, credit is extremely tight whether you run a trucking company, an airline or small manufacturing concern. While the Obama Administration continues to oversee these two entities, they have offered no strategy as to how to successfully manage them. We’ll have to wait until February, when they say they will have some sort of plan. Meanwhile companies continue to go bankrupt and eliminate jobs because they cannot obtain credit.

Today, by the way, is the biggest home improvement day of the year. Yes, Home Depot, Lowe’s, Ace Hardware, Wal-Mart, Target and the rest were open. Their employees celebrate the holiday by working. Today more people “dig-out” their Christmas lights than at any other time of the year. No I’m not kidding. And please permit me a senior moment – when I was a kid – nothing was open. Back then there was also talk of a 4 day work week someday. Computers were going to make our lives so much easier. The way things are going, I don’t think our kids will be celebrating this holiday – not so much a holiday – in future years. There is no talk of working less – just more – and for less money than you probably earned five years ago. If you lucky enough to have the day off, enjoy it.

Photo credit: http://www.oldcitypics.com/images/empire-state-workers-1930.jpg